United Sucks

I'm calling right now for a boycott of that most shittiest of airlines, United.

I've always hated United, ever since I almost missed my flight home for Thanksgiving freshman year because their security line was out the airport doors. It was 20-something degrees, and we had to wait outside. Since then, I've avoided flying with them, instead going with the superfabulous Southwest or the previously superfabulous JetBlue.

Unfortunately, when ATA folded, so did Southwest's flights to LaGuardia. So intead, I took to flying into and out of JFK on JetBlue, because tickets were fantastically priced. Life was good.

Then came oil at $134 a barrel, and I got fucked over to the max.

I didn't want to take a cab from JFK to Astoria, my current place of residence. A cab from LaGuardia to Astoria is, like, $8--much, much less than from JFK. JetBlue's flights into LaGuardia are terrible. And, lo and behold, United's flights into LaGuardia were cheapest.

I have a history of overweight baggage. Usually, though, it's only a couple pounds. The JetBlue people, angels that they are, let me slide. The last time I had to pay was, surprise surprise, with United. It was $25.

So I figure, $25 for a little extra weight, plus $25 for an extra bag, sure. Doable. I check in, and my big bag shows 56 lbs on the scale. However, the agent doesn't say anything, hands me my boarding pass, and I walk away.

Oh, but then. She calls me back, and I stupidly, stupidly turn around, even though I know she's going to charge me for the bag. But I say to myself, "Hey, not that big a deal. It didn't say on the website that they've changed the price." (It really doesn't say anything about the price of an overweight bag, see for yourself.)And since I'm moving, I have zero room to move shit around, I'll take the $25 hit.

Ha. $25.

It turns out, it's $100 for an overweight bag. Six pounds. $100.

THE TWO ARE NOT EQUIVALENT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

Sorry to yell, but the situation, quite frankly, requires the use of all-caps. It also requires everyone to stop flying United, because the airline has now officially stepped over the line. Not only did I have to sit on a shitty aircraft with little room for more than three hours waiting for takeoff, but there was no food whatsoever on the plane. And then they charged me $100. That's $100 that could go to, say, me being able to eat something better than peanut-butter sandwiches for the next few months. (Yeah, just peanut butter. Can't afford the jelly.) Or, better yet, take that money and give me some goddamned snacks on the plane. Some crackers! Something! Jesus Christ, United!

Here's hoping they fold within the next two quarters.