Oh, you have got to be kidding me:
The only appropriate reaction to this trailer: "What the fuck, Disney? What. The. Fuck?"
Bethenny Frankel is still at the beach
7 years ago
Monday, June 30, 2008
Twenty-one
You know, I never understood the drinking age. 21? I suppose I understand the reasoning behind it. Cut back on the number of immature kids getting trashed and driving home, reduce the percentage of DUI-related crashes. The problem is that this is not real reasoning. I turn 18 and I can drive, vote, and die for my country. But I can't buy some beer to bring to a party. I've lived in two places now where a car is more of a hindrance than an asset. No drunk driving in Chicago or New York. Just walk or take the train. But when the government decided to withhold funding from states who didn't increase their drinking age, apparently they forgot about major cities and public transportation.
I have yet to stumble across a person who doesn't drink because she's not 21. And, let's face it, this is fairly ridiculous. I just graduated from college, and I'm not allowed to drink. I've been a productive member of society for a while now, in fact, and have lived on my own (not in a dorm) for over a year. But I can't join my fellow coworkers for happy hour.
Maybe I should just carry my diploma around, all "How's THIS for an ID, motherfuckers?"
I have yet to stumble across a person who doesn't drink because she's not 21. And, let's face it, this is fairly ridiculous. I just graduated from college, and I'm not allowed to drink. I've been a productive member of society for a while now, in fact, and have lived on my own (not in a dorm) for over a year. But I can't join my fellow coworkers for happy hour.
Maybe I should just carry my diploma around, all "How's THIS for an ID, motherfuckers?"
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Congrads
First of all, airline travel has become absolutely unbearable. Unless you're the first flight out of a New York airport (meaning an ass o'clock departure), delays are likely to be several hours. And for no real reason other than massive cockups on the part of air-traffic control. My flight from New York (JFK) to Chicago (O'Hare) was scheduled to leave at 8 p.m. last Thursday. The weather in both areas is beautiful. I get to the airport the requisite hour-and-a-half-ish early, after checking Delta.com to make sure my flight is indeed on time, and see the departure time is now 8:40. Great. Luckily, I brought a book.
9:00.
10:25.
We board at 10:15. The cabin doors close at 10:35. I am wedged between two people who apparently have not bathed in several days and spent those days exclusively outside. Every time they shift, a new wave of odor hits my nose.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'm not sure what number in line we are for takeoff, but it'll probably be about an hour."
I look out the window to see a line of airplanes stretching out to the horizon.
Takeoff comes at 11:25. I arrive in Evanston a little after 1 a.m. There has got to be a better way to travel, people. It's just absurd at this point.
The weekend itself was...interesting. Sad, for the most part, but it wasn't all bad. I know I made the right decision, choosing to get out a year early, but it was a lot harder than I expected. I never fit in the the class of '08, not really. They had a whole year of bonding before I even appeared, and once they all turned 21, that just opened one more door I couldn't walk through. Then there's the thought of leaving behind all those good friendships I so carefully crafted. Sure, there's Facebook, there's IM and Gchat and the phone. But that doesn't negate the fact that I might never see some of these people again.
So, sure, it was a practical decision. My life is easier without that extra $25,000 tacked onto my already impressive debt, and Steve and I are on the same level now. But for me, graduation wasn't one of the happiest days of my life, nor was it especially exciting. Most people I know don't seem to grasp the why, and I wish they would, so I would stop having to lie every time someone asks, "How was graduation? Aren't you so excited to be done with school?"
9:00.
10:25.
We board at 10:15. The cabin doors close at 10:35. I am wedged between two people who apparently have not bathed in several days and spent those days exclusively outside. Every time they shift, a new wave of odor hits my nose.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'm not sure what number in line we are for takeoff, but it'll probably be about an hour."
I look out the window to see a line of airplanes stretching out to the horizon.
Takeoff comes at 11:25. I arrive in Evanston a little after 1 a.m. There has got to be a better way to travel, people. It's just absurd at this point.
The weekend itself was...interesting. Sad, for the most part, but it wasn't all bad. I know I made the right decision, choosing to get out a year early, but it was a lot harder than I expected. I never fit in the the class of '08, not really. They had a whole year of bonding before I even appeared, and once they all turned 21, that just opened one more door I couldn't walk through. Then there's the thought of leaving behind all those good friendships I so carefully crafted. Sure, there's Facebook, there's IM and Gchat and the phone. But that doesn't negate the fact that I might never see some of these people again.
So, sure, it was a practical decision. My life is easier without that extra $25,000 tacked onto my already impressive debt, and Steve and I are on the same level now. But for me, graduation wasn't one of the happiest days of my life, nor was it especially exciting. Most people I know don't seem to grasp the why, and I wish they would, so I would stop having to lie every time someone asks, "How was graduation? Aren't you so excited to be done with school?"
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
"Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here."
As much as I love Gossip Girl (which I truly do, unabashedly), having to deal with those kinds of people in real life is just not fun. Luckily, even though I went to a prep high school, the girls were generally pretty nice. Well, they were nice to me, because I was pretty much just wallpaper. Obviously there was drama, because duh, it's high school. But nothing too ridiculous.
Thus the appeal of The N's "Queen Bee." At least, it sounds appealing. Ten Bitches (that's right, with a capital "B") get dressed down by some Top Model winner and attempt to change their evil ways for $25,000. Per the press release, here are the contestants:
Shavon, 20, Brooklyn, NY
This self-proclaimed diva is not only loud but very demanding and always makes herself the center of attention wherever she goes. She's blunt and doesn't like to sugar coat the truth. Nominated by her own sister, Shavon will finally face what others truly think of her demanding ways.
Camille, 19, Bedford, TX
The petite blonde credits her hair and make-up as her best traits and feels that only true confidence can come from your looks. Camille praises herself for being good at making people cry including her fiance who she says cries at the "snap of her fingers." Nominated by her fiance, Camille will face his final ultimatum, change or we're over!
Stassi, 19, New Orleans, LA
While in high school, this college sophomore nicknamed her buddies, "Stassi's Posse." A natural ring leader since birth, her personal motto is "When you're powerful and attractive you get great perks in life." Nominated by her mom, Stassi will finally hear what her mother thinks of her demanding ways and her mom's concerns for her future relationships with friends and family.
Brittany, 20, Tampa, FL
This self-described socialite wants everyone to know that she is not your average girl. She loves to brag about partying in the Hamptons and will often remind you that she has met Brody Jenner and Paris Hilton...in case you haven't heard. Nominated by a childhood friend, Brittany will hear that her looks aren't enough to keep this friend around forever.
Gisbelle, 19, Bronx, NY
This flawless diva is confident and outspoken and believes that the world revolves around her. Nominated by her boyfriend who is tired of working two jobs to support her ridiculous spending habit, he will finally tell her enough is enough. But will Gisbelle get the message?
Kiana, 18, Bronx, NY
This fashion trendsetter will have an unwelcome wakeup call when she is nominated by a friend who is sick and tired of her rude and obnoxious ways. Kiana admits that she has a bad attitude but only credits herself as a good person for telling it how it is.
Michelle, 18, New York, NY
Michelle has never had an after school job in her entire life, but gets anything she wants including her new Range Rover -- courtesy of mom and dad, with a bat of an eye. Nominated by her mom, Michelle will hear how her rabid spending is affecting her family and her mother's concerns for her future.
Note the plethora of contestants from New York. This should be wildly entertaining.
Thus the appeal of The N's "Queen Bee." At least, it sounds appealing. Ten Bitches (that's right, with a capital "B") get dressed down by some Top Model winner and attempt to change their evil ways for $25,000. Per the press release, here are the contestants:
Shavon, 20, Brooklyn, NY
This self-proclaimed diva is not only loud but very demanding and always makes herself the center of attention wherever she goes. She's blunt and doesn't like to sugar coat the truth. Nominated by her own sister, Shavon will finally face what others truly think of her demanding ways.
Camille, 19, Bedford, TX
The petite blonde credits her hair and make-up as her best traits and feels that only true confidence can come from your looks. Camille praises herself for being good at making people cry including her fiance who she says cries at the "snap of her fingers." Nominated by her fiance, Camille will face his final ultimatum, change or we're over!
Stassi, 19, New Orleans, LA
While in high school, this college sophomore nicknamed her buddies, "Stassi's Posse." A natural ring leader since birth, her personal motto is "When you're powerful and attractive you get great perks in life." Nominated by her mom, Stassi will finally hear what her mother thinks of her demanding ways and her mom's concerns for her future relationships with friends and family.
Brittany, 20, Tampa, FL
This self-described socialite wants everyone to know that she is not your average girl. She loves to brag about partying in the Hamptons and will often remind you that she has met Brody Jenner and Paris Hilton...in case you haven't heard. Nominated by a childhood friend, Brittany will hear that her looks aren't enough to keep this friend around forever.
Gisbelle, 19, Bronx, NY
This flawless diva is confident and outspoken and believes that the world revolves around her. Nominated by her boyfriend who is tired of working two jobs to support her ridiculous spending habit, he will finally tell her enough is enough. But will Gisbelle get the message?
Kiana, 18, Bronx, NY
This fashion trendsetter will have an unwelcome wakeup call when she is nominated by a friend who is sick and tired of her rude and obnoxious ways. Kiana admits that she has a bad attitude but only credits herself as a good person for telling it how it is.
Michelle, 18, New York, NY
Michelle has never had an after school job in her entire life, but gets anything she wants including her new Range Rover -- courtesy of mom and dad, with a bat of an eye. Nominated by her mom, Michelle will hear how her rabid spending is affecting her family and her mother's concerns for her future.
Note the plethora of contestants from New York. This should be wildly entertaining.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Gold digger
I'd like to take this time to announce that I will not be submitting my name for Emmy consideration this year.
(Pause.)
I know. It's such a shock. You all were expecting me not only to be nominated, but also to win. You didn't care that I hadn't even appeared on a television show. And for your faith, I thank you. But sometimes, you just need to wait another year or ten for the time when you're given the right material. Or any material.
Kisses!
(Photo ripped from the Salt Lake Tribune's blog.)
(Pause.)
I know. It's such a shock. You all were expecting me not only to be nominated, but also to win. You didn't care that I hadn't even appeared on a television show. And for your faith, I thank you. But sometimes, you just need to wait another year or ten for the time when you're given the right material. Or any material.
Kisses!
(Photo ripped from the Salt Lake Tribune's blog.)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
United: Sucking Just A Little Bit More Every Day
"United Airlines Announces New Checked Bag Policy for Domestic Flights
CHICAGO, June 12 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- United Airlines today announced two changes to its domestic checked bag policy. The service fee to check one bag for domestic travel will be $15 each way and the fee to check three or more bags, overweight bags or items that require special handling will increase from $100 to $125 or from $200 to $250, depending on the item."
I rest my case.
CHICAGO, June 12 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- United Airlines today announced two changes to its domestic checked bag policy. The service fee to check one bag for domestic travel will be $15 each way and the fee to check three or more bags, overweight bags or items that require special handling will increase from $100 to $125 or from $200 to $250, depending on the item."
I rest my case.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
United Sucks
I'm calling right now for a boycott of that most shittiest of airlines, United.
I've always hated United, ever since I almost missed my flight home for Thanksgiving freshman year because their security line was out the airport doors. It was 20-something degrees, and we had to wait outside. Since then, I've avoided flying with them, instead going with the superfabulous Southwest or the previously superfabulous JetBlue.
Unfortunately, when ATA folded, so did Southwest's flights to LaGuardia. So intead, I took to flying into and out of JFK on JetBlue, because tickets were fantastically priced. Life was good.
Then came oil at $134 a barrel, and I got fucked over to the max.
I didn't want to take a cab from JFK to Astoria, my current place of residence. A cab from LaGuardia to Astoria is, like, $8--much, much less than from JFK. JetBlue's flights into LaGuardia are terrible. And, lo and behold, United's flights into LaGuardia were cheapest.
I have a history of overweight baggage. Usually, though, it's only a couple pounds. The JetBlue people, angels that they are, let me slide. The last time I had to pay was, surprise surprise, with United. It was $25.
So I figure, $25 for a little extra weight, plus $25 for an extra bag, sure. Doable. I check in, and my big bag shows 56 lbs on the scale. However, the agent doesn't say anything, hands me my boarding pass, and I walk away.
Oh, but then. She calls me back, and I stupidly, stupidly turn around, even though I know she's going to charge me for the bag. But I say to myself, "Hey, not that big a deal. It didn't say on the website that they've changed the price." (It really doesn't say anything about the price of an overweight bag, see for yourself.)And since I'm moving, I have zero room to move shit around, I'll take the $25 hit.
Ha. $25.
It turns out, it's $100 for an overweight bag. Six pounds. $100.
THE TWO ARE NOT EQUIVALENT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
Sorry to yell, but the situation, quite frankly, requires the use of all-caps. It also requires everyone to stop flying United, because the airline has now officially stepped over the line. Not only did I have to sit on a shitty aircraft with little room for more than three hours waiting for takeoff, but there was no food whatsoever on the plane. And then they charged me $100. That's $100 that could go to, say, me being able to eat something better than peanut-butter sandwiches for the next few months. (Yeah, just peanut butter. Can't afford the jelly.) Or, better yet, take that money and give me some goddamned snacks on the plane. Some crackers! Something! Jesus Christ, United!
Here's hoping they fold within the next two quarters.
I've always hated United, ever since I almost missed my flight home for Thanksgiving freshman year because their security line was out the airport doors. It was 20-something degrees, and we had to wait outside. Since then, I've avoided flying with them, instead going with the superfabulous Southwest or the previously superfabulous JetBlue.
Unfortunately, when ATA folded, so did Southwest's flights to LaGuardia. So intead, I took to flying into and out of JFK on JetBlue, because tickets were fantastically priced. Life was good.
Then came oil at $134 a barrel, and I got fucked over to the max.
I didn't want to take a cab from JFK to Astoria, my current place of residence. A cab from LaGuardia to Astoria is, like, $8--much, much less than from JFK. JetBlue's flights into LaGuardia are terrible. And, lo and behold, United's flights into LaGuardia were cheapest.
I have a history of overweight baggage. Usually, though, it's only a couple pounds. The JetBlue people, angels that they are, let me slide. The last time I had to pay was, surprise surprise, with United. It was $25.
So I figure, $25 for a little extra weight, plus $25 for an extra bag, sure. Doable. I check in, and my big bag shows 56 lbs on the scale. However, the agent doesn't say anything, hands me my boarding pass, and I walk away.
Oh, but then. She calls me back, and I stupidly, stupidly turn around, even though I know she's going to charge me for the bag. But I say to myself, "Hey, not that big a deal. It didn't say on the website that they've changed the price." (It really doesn't say anything about the price of an overweight bag, see for yourself.)And since I'm moving, I have zero room to move shit around, I'll take the $25 hit.
Ha. $25.
It turns out, it's $100 for an overweight bag. Six pounds. $100.
THE TWO ARE NOT EQUIVALENT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
Sorry to yell, but the situation, quite frankly, requires the use of all-caps. It also requires everyone to stop flying United, because the airline has now officially stepped over the line. Not only did I have to sit on a shitty aircraft with little room for more than three hours waiting for takeoff, but there was no food whatsoever on the plane. And then they charged me $100. That's $100 that could go to, say, me being able to eat something better than peanut-butter sandwiches for the next few months. (Yeah, just peanut butter. Can't afford the jelly.) Or, better yet, take that money and give me some goddamned snacks on the plane. Some crackers! Something! Jesus Christ, United!
Here's hoping they fold within the next two quarters.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Smurfing smurf smurfs
I just ran across a press release saying Sony and Columbia just bought the rights to a Smurf movie. And they're going to make it; apparently what the newest generation needs is exposure to to tiny little blue freakshows.
Don't get me wrong, I love the Smurfs. (Though to be honest, I love the "Robot Chicken" parodies much, much more.) But is a CG/live action movie really the way to go? And not just one movie--the people behind the project apparently see a whole series of movies in the mix. Check it:
Said [Producer Jordan] Kerner, "It all began with a holiday conversation with Michael Lynton and then another with Amy Pascal. Michael was raised with the "SCHTROUMPFS" in the Netherlands. He relished them as I do and suggested that it should be a live-action/CG film. Amy felt equally that there was potentially a series of films in the making. I knew that the dream would come true when we started working with Doug, Bob and Hannah. It all became very Smurfy! I have been working with Veronique Culliford, the daughter of Peyo, the author-creator of the Smurfs, and Hendrik Coysman, CEO of Lafig Belgium to bring this franchise to the screen. They have captivated me for years with their great humor and huge hearts."
(Via the Sony/Columbia press release.)
So, does this mean they'll be killing yet another relic of my childhood (unironically, unlike "Robot Chicken")? Or will this "series" merely go gently into that good night, kind of like the Garfield movies?
(Yes, shut up, I loved the Garfield comics from ages 5-10. We all have our vices.)
Don't get me wrong, I love the Smurfs. (Though to be honest, I love the "Robot Chicken" parodies much, much more.) But is a CG/live action movie really the way to go? And not just one movie--the people behind the project apparently see a whole series of movies in the mix. Check it:
Said [Producer Jordan] Kerner, "It all began with a holiday conversation with Michael Lynton and then another with Amy Pascal. Michael was raised with the "SCHTROUMPFS" in the Netherlands. He relished them as I do and suggested that it should be a live-action/CG film. Amy felt equally that there was potentially a series of films in the making. I knew that the dream would come true when we started working with Doug, Bob and Hannah. It all became very Smurfy! I have been working with Veronique Culliford, the daughter of Peyo, the author-creator of the Smurfs, and Hendrik Coysman, CEO of Lafig Belgium to bring this franchise to the screen. They have captivated me for years with their great humor and huge hearts."
(Via the Sony/Columbia press release.)
So, does this mean they'll be killing yet another relic of my childhood (unironically, unlike "Robot Chicken")? Or will this "series" merely go gently into that good night, kind of like the Garfield movies?
(Yes, shut up, I loved the Garfield comics from ages 5-10. We all have our vices.)
Monday, June 9, 2008
iWant
Oh my God, it's beautiful.
When word first reached me of the iPhone last year, I was pretty excited. Then, I saw the price tag and tech specs, and I was less excited. The plan with AT&T was pretty fairly priced, but $600 is rather a lot of money.
This is a marked improvement. It even looks a little sleeker.
Hmm. It does come out a week before my birthday. Let's see if I can con someone into getting one into my hands.
When word first reached me of the iPhone last year, I was pretty excited. Then, I saw the price tag and tech specs, and I was less excited. The plan with AT&T was pretty fairly priced, but $600 is rather a lot of money.
This is a marked improvement. It even looks a little sleeker.
Hmm. It does come out a week before my birthday. Let's see if I can con someone into getting one into my hands.
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