Apples and such

So, with my relocation to New York City fast approaching (and I do mean fast, like, Goddamn, slow this motha down) and my senioritis crippling my productivity, I've been thinking a lot about what to do with myself once I get to the city.

New York (magazine, for the uninitiated) has a cool guide to the movies shooting in the city over the summer, which is a good start. I won't be 21 until a month and a half after I move, which limits me significantly. While I found a lot of good places to go last summer, I noticed toward the end they were cracking down on the under-21s, and I'm tired of skulking in the dark, back corners of shitty East Village bars. I'm not sure if my future roommates now about my "condition" (it really is like a disease, this "under-21"-ness).

There's also the question of who's going to be there with me. I have a few friends that will be there at one point or another during the summer, with a bunch more coming in September-ish (I hope), but other than that it's looking like slim pickins. Of course, I could somehow...make new friends there. I suppose. It's nice to have a firm base, though, in a big place like that.

The ultimate firm base would be Steve, but you can't always get what you want, as they say. This might be just what I need, on the other hand. Do whatever I want, be whoever I want, for a few months (or four). Make connections I wouldn't otherwise make with a boyfriend around to be the default hang-out dude. A few months more should be sufficient--I've already had a couple. They've been nice, and a good chance for me to take care of myself, lick my wounds and soforth. I had forgotten how much I used to rely on myself, and how nice it felt to be...stable. A bipolar bear such as myself rarely achieves any real enduring stability, granted. But without constantly worrying about him, and myself in relation to him, and others in relation to him, one giant knot has been eased out of my shoulders. I don't have to try so hard right now, and that's a great relief.

I do miss him. A lot. Dozens of times every day I wish he were there with me experiencing certain moments. I just want a hug or a kiss, or a reassuring touch. At the end of the day I just want to burrow under the covers next to him. But I know this time apart is good. And I get to go to sleep and wake up to the idea that someone out there loves me, and will continue to do so for a long, long time. That's something.