Post Grad.
Except I don't look like Alexis Bledel, and I haven't so completely run out of options that I've moved back to Florida. But still. There but for the grace of God...
Bethenny Frankel is still at the beach
9 years ago
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Nein!
I've been obsessed with 9 since I first saw the trailer.
I even tried to pitch a feature on it, since the story behind the movie is fascinating. I mean, think about it: This nobody director (Shane Acker--no offense intended) makes a CGI short film called 9 back in 2005--it actually premiered four years ago today, at the Indianapolis International Film Festival. It gets nominated for an Oscar. Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov (two Tims, no waiting!) scoop it up and have Acker turn it into a feature-length cinematic experience with lots of famous people doing the characters' voices. How often does something like that happen?
The short is definitely worth watching; haunting and ever-so-slightly uplifting at the same time:
And now MTV's got its hands on two minutes of footage from the movie. Is it September yet?
I even tried to pitch a feature on it, since the story behind the movie is fascinating. I mean, think about it: This nobody director (Shane Acker--no offense intended) makes a CGI short film called 9 back in 2005--it actually premiered four years ago today, at the Indianapolis International Film Festival. It gets nominated for an Oscar. Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov (two Tims, no waiting!) scoop it up and have Acker turn it into a feature-length cinematic experience with lots of famous people doing the characters' voices. How often does something like that happen?
The short is definitely worth watching; haunting and ever-so-slightly uplifting at the same time:
And now MTV's got its hands on two minutes of footage from the movie. Is it September yet?
Monday, March 30, 2009
On Creepy Demon Children
I made the mistake of watching the trailer for Orphan the other day.
This was a mistake for a couple of reasons. Now, I'm not by any means a chicken. I might wince at gore or startle easily (really, really easily), but in general I tend more towards the former response in "fight or flight."
But there is something about creepy demon girls that just gets me. The girl in The Ring? Absolutely terrified me. And I know I'm not alone in that fear, but honestly, I shouldn't have been scared at all. Her face looks like an orc's!
Samara:
An orc:
And I am certainly not afraid of orcs.
After seeing a few trailers for more Asian-based horror flicks (side note: Why are Asian horror movies so fucked up? They're the only horror movies I've seen that are actually...horrifying. Is it a culture thing? They do seem to have a penchant for creepy demon children), I tried to posit that maybe it's just the way these characters move that makes my skin continue to crawl hours after seeing whatever clip/movie they're in. They always have that weird crab-walking kid, or one that sort of awkwardly teleports, like you're playing a particularly dangerous game of "Red Light, Green Light."
But the girl (Esther) in Orphan does not move this way. And yet, I still had a dream that night in which she tried to kill me. Repeatedly.
Of course, that's not the reason I won't see this movie. It's the same demon child story as all the others, and probably not worth shelling out $12.50. Still, way to creep me right the fuck out, Warner Brothers.
P.S. Vera Farmiga? More movies about Boston mob politics, less movies about creepy demon children. I say this out of love.
This was a mistake for a couple of reasons. Now, I'm not by any means a chicken. I might wince at gore or startle easily (really, really easily), but in general I tend more towards the former response in "fight or flight."
But there is something about creepy demon girls that just gets me. The girl in The Ring? Absolutely terrified me. And I know I'm not alone in that fear, but honestly, I shouldn't have been scared at all. Her face looks like an orc's!
Samara:
An orc:
And I am certainly not afraid of orcs.
After seeing a few trailers for more Asian-based horror flicks (side note: Why are Asian horror movies so fucked up? They're the only horror movies I've seen that are actually...horrifying. Is it a culture thing? They do seem to have a penchant for creepy demon children), I tried to posit that maybe it's just the way these characters move that makes my skin continue to crawl hours after seeing whatever clip/movie they're in. They always have that weird crab-walking kid, or one that sort of awkwardly teleports, like you're playing a particularly dangerous game of "Red Light, Green Light."
But the girl (Esther) in Orphan does not move this way. And yet, I still had a dream that night in which she tried to kill me. Repeatedly.
Of course, that's not the reason I won't see this movie. It's the same demon child story as all the others, and probably not worth shelling out $12.50. Still, way to creep me right the fuck out, Warner Brothers.
P.S. Vera Farmiga? More movies about Boston mob politics, less movies about creepy demon children. I say this out of love.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Cloudy With a Chance of Crap
Sigh.
Okay, so I think we can all agree that this whole "taking all the symbols of my childhood and raping them for profit" thing has gone way too far. Granted, the poster for Where the Wild Things Are (below) looks pretty awesome.
But for every WtWTA, there's a Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. The just-released trailer is over here.
How horrendous does this look? Let's put aside the idiotic 3-D whatever for right now (hell, that deserves its own post) and just look at it from the point of view of a child and/or adult who's read and loved the book:
The whole point of kids' books is that they look awesome. Cool illustration is what separates the Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothings from the...Well, I can't think of any crappily illustrated children's books off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are plenty out there. Once you take away the unique style of illustration (something Spike Jonze appears to not be doing, thank God), you're left with...a story. A story that is very, very thin on plot. And while a lack of plot sometimes works for books (coughmostofTwilightcough), that's really hard to get away with in a movie. So, the director comes up with a plot. This plot is usually banal and overdone (The Cat in the Hat, anyone?), and the entire experience turns out to be no different from any other crappy kids movie (see: most animated movies not produced by Pixar/Pixar alums).
So why not just...let sleeping books lie? How about we come up with a rule that says, "If you have to invent a plot that is not contained in the source material (be it children's book or game), you're not allowed to make that movie"? Yes?
Okay, so I think we can all agree that this whole "taking all the symbols of my childhood and raping them for profit" thing has gone way too far. Granted, the poster for Where the Wild Things Are (below) looks pretty awesome.
But for every WtWTA, there's a Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. The just-released trailer is over here.
How horrendous does this look? Let's put aside the idiotic 3-D whatever for right now (hell, that deserves its own post) and just look at it from the point of view of a child and/or adult who's read and loved the book:
The whole point of kids' books is that they look awesome. Cool illustration is what separates the Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothings from the...Well, I can't think of any crappily illustrated children's books off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are plenty out there. Once you take away the unique style of illustration (something Spike Jonze appears to not be doing, thank God), you're left with...a story. A story that is very, very thin on plot. And while a lack of plot sometimes works for books (coughmostofTwilightcough), that's really hard to get away with in a movie. So, the director comes up with a plot. This plot is usually banal and overdone (The Cat in the Hat, anyone?), and the entire experience turns out to be no different from any other crappy kids movie (see: most animated movies not produced by Pixar/Pixar alums).
So why not just...let sleeping books lie? How about we come up with a rule that says, "If you have to invent a plot that is not contained in the source material (be it children's book or game), you're not allowed to make that movie"? Yes?
Monday, March 9, 2009
On Not Being a Dickwad
The first R-rated movie I saw on my own (once I finally reached that magic age of 17) was Closer. I'd just finished one of my first shifts at the movie theater, and I was super excited to take advantage of the "all the free movies you want" perk. So I settle back, prepared to partake in some delicious Clive Owen-Jude Law-ness, and I see them.
They're sitting in the very back of the theater, this young couple. And with them is...a stroller. With a small child in it.
This child then proceeded to cry at the most inopportune times (read: almost the entire movie). I couldn't fathom why this couple had brought its spawn to a 10:40 p.m. showing of a ridiculously explicit movie
Fast forward four and a half years or so. I'm seeing Coraline in 3-D with a friend. Due to some pretty ridiculous complications (like the Jonas Brothers...it's a long story), we end up going to the AMC in Times Square (Times! Square! Augh!) for an 11:10 p.m. showing. Now, I know Coraline is PG, but there is some scary shit in that movie. Not that I ever plan on having spawn of my own, but I wouldn't take a kid under 9 to the theater to see it, much less at an 11 p.m. showing on a Sunday. But of course, that's what we found. Dozens of families with their squalling four-year-olds attempting to drown out whatever disturbing noise was coming from the screen. As soon as we had reached the street, my friend and I each yelled about the horrific parenting we'd just witnessed.
And then there was Watchmen. A family (an entire goddamn family, mind you) not only subjected their five-year-old boy to that movie, but also brought an infant.
This so far past the line of "inappropriate," we can't even see it. There are so many things wrong with this situation that I need to outline them.
A) Your poor son is going to have nightmares for weeks about this. Seeing people's arms chopped off? Dogs with their heads split open? A five-minute-long softcore sex scene?
B) Your infant's screaming fucked up the movie for everyone else in the audience, you insensitive clods. It is neither my fault, nor anyone else's, that you either decided to breed or forgot to use a condom, so do not inflict your troubles upon me. You want kids? Accept the fact that for a while, you'll barely be able to leave the house.
C) You spent an extra how much for a seat for that kid? If you can afford to do that, hire some tween in need of some cash to watch them for a few hours.
In conclusion: It is not that difficult to avoid being a completely horrible parent. This is common sense. Do not bring your small children to incredibly graphic movies really late at night. And, movie theaters? Stop letting this happen.
They're sitting in the very back of the theater, this young couple. And with them is...a stroller. With a small child in it.
This child then proceeded to cry at the most inopportune times (read: almost the entire movie). I couldn't fathom why this couple had brought its spawn to a 10:40 p.m. showing of a ridiculously explicit movie
Fast forward four and a half years or so. I'm seeing Coraline in 3-D with a friend. Due to some pretty ridiculous complications (like the Jonas Brothers...it's a long story), we end up going to the AMC in Times Square (Times! Square! Augh!) for an 11:10 p.m. showing. Now, I know Coraline is PG, but there is some scary shit in that movie. Not that I ever plan on having spawn of my own, but I wouldn't take a kid under 9 to the theater to see it, much less at an 11 p.m. showing on a Sunday. But of course, that's what we found. Dozens of families with their squalling four-year-olds attempting to drown out whatever disturbing noise was coming from the screen. As soon as we had reached the street, my friend and I each yelled about the horrific parenting we'd just witnessed.
And then there was Watchmen. A family (an entire goddamn family, mind you) not only subjected their five-year-old boy to that movie, but also brought an infant.
This so far past the line of "inappropriate," we can't even see it. There are so many things wrong with this situation that I need to outline them.
A) Your poor son is going to have nightmares for weeks about this. Seeing people's arms chopped off? Dogs with their heads split open? A five-minute-long softcore sex scene?
B) Your infant's screaming fucked up the movie for everyone else in the audience, you insensitive clods. It is neither my fault, nor anyone else's, that you either decided to breed or forgot to use a condom, so do not inflict your troubles upon me. You want kids? Accept the fact that for a while, you'll barely be able to leave the house.
C) You spent an extra how much for a seat for that kid? If you can afford to do that, hire some tween in need of some cash to watch them for a few hours.
In conclusion: It is not that difficult to avoid being a completely horrible parent. This is common sense. Do not bring your small children to incredibly graphic movies really late at night. And, movie theaters? Stop letting this happen.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I watched the Watchmen...
...And I liked it.
Of course, in this situation, it would have been very hard for me to not like it. My friend Joe had been trying to get me to read Watchmen practically since I met him, so once I saw the second theatrical trailer, I figured I'd give it a try.
It took me a bit longer than usual to get through the book--it's not very long, but the density and complexity of the story's structure takes a while to adjust to. Upon finishing it, I believe my thoughts were "Jesus Christ, how much bleaker can you get?" and also, "I'm going to need to re-read this at least three more times." (As a side note, I also had Rorshach's narrative voice in my head, which, since I'm not a psychotic misogynistic masked vigilante, was unpleasant.)
So, after seeing that trailer, reading the novel, then watching a bunch of footage, I was pretty freakin' excited. Not even the lukewarm (or negative) reviews could dampen my spirits. And you know what?
It was exactly what I wanted. Granted, the ending lacked the utter, blood-drenched terror I was hoping for, and Malin Akerman was awful but whatever. The attention to detail was spectacular, Jackie Earle Haley rocked the shit out of Rorshach, and I think I might pitch an amusement park based around the ride, "Dr. Manhattan's Blue Dong of Doom."(Would that not be an awesome ride?)
Of course, in this situation, it would have been very hard for me to not like it. My friend Joe had been trying to get me to read Watchmen practically since I met him, so once I saw the second theatrical trailer, I figured I'd give it a try.
It took me a bit longer than usual to get through the book--it's not very long, but the density and complexity of the story's structure takes a while to adjust to. Upon finishing it, I believe my thoughts were "Jesus Christ, how much bleaker can you get?" and also, "I'm going to need to re-read this at least three more times." (As a side note, I also had Rorshach's narrative voice in my head, which, since I'm not a psychotic misogynistic masked vigilante, was unpleasant.)
So, after seeing that trailer, reading the novel, then watching a bunch of footage, I was pretty freakin' excited. Not even the lukewarm (or negative) reviews could dampen my spirits. And you know what?
It was exactly what I wanted. Granted, the ending lacked the utter, blood-drenched terror I was hoping for, and Malin Akerman was awful but whatever. The attention to detail was spectacular, Jackie Earle Haley rocked the shit out of Rorshach, and I think I might pitch an amusement park based around the ride, "Dr. Manhattan's Blue Dong of Doom."(Would that not be an awesome ride?)
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